Bills, Bills, Bills

The shoe on my feet, I've bought it

The clothes I'm wearing, I've bought it

The rock I'm rockin', I've bought it

'Cause I depend on me

- Destiny's Child

  
I think one of the scariest things about being out on your own is being 100% responsible for every bill that comes your way. You have to pay to play, and all of a sudden you might find yourself cutting back on everything on food to cell-phone minutes just to make sure your cheques don't bounce. 

This is the position I find myself in: for the first time in my life, if there is something that I need/want, I'm the one who has to spend the money. Food, on me. Rent, on me. Getting new contact lenses because I can't see worth a damn, that's on me too. Please don't think this is a diatribe from some super spoiled girl whose parents just handed over the plastic every she needed something. That's definitely not the case. Since high school, I've had a job so that I had an influx of cash... but I was also lucky enough that my parents split the bills with me (especially when it came to post-secondary education.)

But now that I am out of the house and living on my own, I can't sponge off my parents anymore (besides an occasional weekend visit.) If I want to eat dinner, I'm the one who has to go to the grocery store. 

There now exists this thrilling yet terrifying feeling of no safety net. Every purchase I make seems like a gamble... especially in a still uncertain economy. The ever-present sense of financial guilt also rears its ugly head. Should I put more money down on my line of credit? Should I be directing a larger share of each paycheque to my savings? How bad is it that I can't seem to make any headway on an emergency account?

I can't be the first person in the world to have these feelings, but sometimes in financial matters, you often feel like you're going it completely alone.

What doesn't help matters is the following: this morning my debit card got declined at Tim Horton's for a paltry $2.37. After going to a local bank branch and seeing that my bank balance was far below the expected, I found out that someone had stolen my account information and pin number and had made two unauthorized withdrawals from my account. Suffice to say, your day doesn't start off well when you find out that someone in India has just withdrawn almost $400 from your chequing account. I have nothing but great things to say about the TD Bank Loss Prevention Centre - I'll be getting my money back in less than 48 business hours (which could be 4-5 days which isn't optimal during holiday shopping season) and now I've got one of them new-fangled VISA Debit Cards. 

Lesson learned from this whole schmozzle is simple: it's perfectly okay (and healthy) to be worried about being the only one responsible for paying your bills. I'd much rather be paranoid about my bank balance and check it several times a day, than to be completely lax and miss some fraudulent charges. But just remember that you have a whole network of people (friends, family, the bank's loss prevention centre) who will stand behind you as you navigate this crazy world of fiscal responsibility.

Hopefully everything is going smoothly out there for all you and that you can take some time to enjoy the holiday season. I plan to do just that.. though I have to admit that I will be enjoying it a little more once the money is returned to my account.

Growing Up Is Scary

Growing up is scary... like terrifyingly scary. Growing up means moving into a future that is huge and full of the unknown. It means getting out of Neverland and truly acknowledging the passage of time. If life has taught me one thing, it is that you can never truly predict the path you will go down and what obstacles and triumphs you will meet along the way.

I wouldn't call myself a scaredy cat but my one big fear in life (besides out-of-control fires, railings and the number of calories in one tiny red velvet cheesecake cupcake) is growing up... getting older... maturing...being expected to act age-appropriately. This fear is the reason for my extended stay in post-secondary and post-graduate education, for moving back in with my parents and staying longer than I should have.

It is said that my generation of Millenials (previously known as Gen Y) is a generation in stasis, frozen by a downturn in the economy, lack of opportunity or the pervasive idea that we expect more than we should. The post-secondary degrees we were told were necessary for a career have now become the bare minimum of training we need... we're told to go back to school but the first degree we got cost so much money that we can't afford it.

So can this fear of growing up be placed squarely on my shoulders or can I shift the blame to society? I'd like to say: both. If I don't take the chances, make the mistakes, and put myself out there, how can I expect the world to accept me or show me more opportunity?

Bottom line: it's time to go. Time to open myself up to the possibility of the unknown, to accept that it is okay to not know what comes next, to accept that I may fail.

I'm ready. I've already made a huge step in that a few months ago, I moved out of my parents' house in the suburbs and got a place with a friend in the city. I pay my own bills, I control whether or not I have clean clothes or healthy food to eat. It feels pretty good and was less scary than I made it out to be.

Clinging to the past is never healthy - it is a time that you are meant to reflect back on and learn from. Not one that you need to re-live on a daily basis. This blog is not meant to be a diatribe on the proper way to live your life... who even knows what that is? This is merely a platform where I can share the triumphs and less-than-triumphs my newly-independent self will find along the way. I'd love if you came along for the ride.

Next step: getting out of administrative drudgery and get back into the career that I want. LinkedIn, here I come!

Henry Kissinger once said that “a diamond is a chunk of coal that merely did well under pressure.” Watch out, because Imma be that lump of coal.